Jagamum naan Ahamum naan

Early childhood when I have seen my mom working, managing home and yours truly, I always had a awe induced respect for her. Dad was rock solid support but still she has enough on her plate. Now with me doing the same thing single handedly and when I see the out come ("Dewy") let's just say the difference is evident. Anyway at times my mom can be little crazy. Like for last week, I didn't call her as I have been stuck in the rut and somehow never gotten ahead calling her 3 days straight. And I call her on Friday all she asks is all good and keeps her phone down. Yeah that went well. Better than my visa interview where the guy rejected after asking name. . Now I know it's her eagerness to hear about us and still this anger is uncalled for On a complete another instance, I am ferrying dewy and her friends to a party. Her friend asks her something about God and my ears are now attentive. I mean I never asked her directly on her views about Mr.Almighty. H...

Blame our parents!!!  Woah!!! Strong topic!!! Cringe worthy I was just wondering( which I am doing a lot these days ) that how much it is imbibed into our head that a woman needs her man. So back ground on it. Was out to check out an armoire and it was evening. Since sun sets later these days and hence 6.30 in evening is not that late, I was out at that time.  It became cloudy, dark and for no sensible reason I was feeling insecure which wasn't the case when it was sunny. I am sure people can relate to what I am talking. If you have someone sitting with you at that moment; it does makes you feel secure. Though I hate to point out that unless the person is Bruce Lee or any of our Bollywood heroes who has fight off villains (sometimes with a look) ; it is of no use. So I took it to mission to teach Dewy to be independent, and never ever feel insecure in her own skin.  And I feel it is important as I see where are going; that she necessarily might not h...

Saturday morning..Muddled .. walk up to Dewy and tell her. Dews I am so bored of cooking same food. Why not make it simple today Dewy replies in vain.. "We dont have vegetables. I get that." Bingo  !!!!

You know sometimes it's an elated feeling to have someone coming to your home just to talk to you. Throw in some food and good wine. Conversation just flows. That's just happened today. A recent friend whom I acquired from other gatherings and incessant chatter just popped in to just say hi and spent a good quality of time and we talked nothing but talked till jaw hurt You might wonder that I have lost my nuts in the ruts. I think I just forgot how simple things would bring pleasure in life and it was totally worth that time On that note.. we decided to do this more often till we get bored doing this

" Automation" : This is a word the Dewy hears a lot from her mommy who works in so- called quality are. I use this word generously while talking to my customer on how much my team has done and also to my team during their appraisals on how less they have done. I was working in kitchen and I was complaining how vessels just seem to keep appearing into sink and never ending. And how much my miss my maid from India ( that's another story altogether). My daughter says " Amma you didnt automate enough" I look at her quizzically and asks her what she means. She just scoffs  and say duh.... this is what you keep saying on phone. Way to do things faster. wah Dewy ...wah good that you now what is automation **************     *************     **********     *********** We are early to bus stop. Just 2 mins early. Dewy is surprised to see no crowd. She scowls " we missed bus" I say "No.. we are early." She says "it is not p...

Evening 6.30. I see tiny Dewy running around the corridor behind 2 girls. Then they whisper something and ask Dewy to sit on stairs. They wander around to other floor. There is lull and I come out and see this tiny thing sitting forlorn in steps. Asked her why .. she said she was asked to do so. I asked her to come back home she said she wouldnt because if she doesn't follow her so- called friends they wouldnt play with her. I feel so bummed out. I dont want my daughter to be so dependent on people who doesnt give a batshit about her. She is very emotional. She always wanted to be everyone's friend, everyone to consider her friend. I dont mind that. Just that I didnt want to eat whatever is being dished out for her. I just see her now. Other kids come to her to ask her play. She doesnt seem to hang on to the other kids and certainly not the needy one. If she finds them to not be interested in being friends she just finds the next best option she has. Dignified. I am happy ...

I did it. I googled. Now I know there is nothing new about it. Everyone does it ..every day... almost every hour. But then this is desperation. I am so pissed off with the things that is happening and the amount of work that is being held out to me. The need to know was so high up there that I couldn't think about anything else. It kept running in loops that it was all I heard. It is so not a progressive thought, but then I have reached the summit where this was the last solution. No turning back on this. I had to google. So I did google  "How to do nothing" And so you know there is a wiki page as well on this. 👌. I am not the only one. Got company people!!!                

I hear you... Cliche!!! That I am. This year has been so life altering!!! Got my visa to this beautiful place. This was  my long waited wish. Planned and nagged my parents to move to the new house though I knew I would pack myself out of there in few months Packed my entire life into 4 suitcases with Dewy and moved to this foreign place (Crazy I am) Cried my first day here at onsite (no TV, no internet and snow white ground and no people in near vicinity - Lets just say these are the reasons) Scared to death of managing Dewy alone,still ploughed through with Dewy being my strongest pillar. Spent 2 months, begging others to help me drive around. People who know me would know that it is most painful thing for me to do. Got a drivers license and bought a car!!! Simple pleasures. Our lives moves on and comes summer vacation And that too 3 months. 9 weeks of running around office, summer camp and the need to be on time to the Summer Camp!! Duh!! I actually lost weight. Than...

Haha.. So pretentious I am!!! Just too predictable!! But can't just leave this festival. If I read the books (I do .. I still do) this goes back to saying thanks for the good harvest and pray for the preceding year. Typically our pongal. And families; use this time to come together, meet, eat and thank for the wonderful year they had. What do we do!! Shop!! Shop!! Shop!! Till you drop dead. It was worth seeing. Us ( you know who I am referring to) stand hours together in queue in this frosty cold to shop. To get best deals. And this kinda looked liked our Aadi sale minus the cold and waiting in queue. And just so you know I did too. 😀 Lets just say to get first hand information about this infamous black Friday shopping. Few of our typical stuff I could see. 1) There was a guy standing in the queue probably 3 places behind me. He was getting calls continously. And the discussion will go like this. "Haan Bhai. Am in queue. One more camera. Okay good." and th...

I can't say anything about today!!! It is worth writing. Its just one of those vacation days where kids can't do anything much due to the beautiful weather that is out there. So we have 5 of them like that. They sleep till 11. And slowly come out of hibernation. By 12, they are all fully charged. Scene 1- Cue My Place All 4 of them land together asking if Dewy can join. Even before I say "YES".. Dewy is out. Contrary to the belief that kids do play in corridor [I can go to jail for this offense]. You can imagine the pandemonium it would be. Scene 2: Corridor of my floor:  By 2.. they fought 5 times and I stopped doing panchayat. At 3.. I beg asking them to disperse for lunch. No one seems to be hungry. At 3.05... I try again At 3.10.. They fight again and I use that as diversion and get Dewy to eat lunch Now record happens.. Lunch is over in 30 mins. Without me wailing, repeating to eat and chew. At 3.40 (I know exactly at 3.40) ... They are out...

Let's just say I was at the verge of calling it quits. I know you would say that somehow doesn't sound like this person you know Ohh it does.. I will tell you why. It takes solid 15 mins to get out. Some 9 different pair of clothes and over and above the usual dress. 1) Thermals 2) Beanies ( Woollen caps basically. Have to prove that I caught all the survival vocab) 3) Mittens ( learnt this from Dewy) Else sensible people call them gloves 4) Leather gloves ( if you have to touch screen to check anything while you are out) 5) Socks 6) Boots 7) Ear muffs ( Once we went out and wind was howling and we were also howling once we came back home. Ear pain!!!) 8) Jackets. Basically the ones you just can haul unless you are wearing it) 9) if snowing then mufflers. Else nose pains like anything. Now imagine getting all these on a 6 year hyper active kid. You get the drift. I did quit..... the habit of dropping her at bus stop in this weather. 😀 I am now being sen...

Mom.. why are you working like this? Me (with all happiness) : To make sure I provide you with everything you need Dewy : You think so much when i ask for toy. Why work since you wont buy me.toys anyway Ahem..... *************************** Dinner is not that great mom (I became "mom" from "Amma") I have work Dewy. This by itself is a stretch. I dont seen you saying that to Ashish uncle ( My manager) Ufffo... I cant say like that.... work is important. I thought I am too.. ( sigh) *************************** Communication at our home in the last month as per Dewy. 6 AM : GET UP FOR GODS SAKE YOU ARE LATE 7 AM : BATH PROPERLY 8 AM: CHEW THE FOOD. YOU JUST DONT EAT ANYTHING 4 PM: WALK HOME FAST. I HAVE CALLS 6 PM :  DO YOUR HOMEWORK 8 PM : EAT DINNER FAST. TOMORROW IS SCHOOL DAY 9 PM: GOOD NIGHT She thinks this is the only conversation I had with her in last 2 months. Now if you are wondering if this is true. I leave for you to speculate.

Don't we always hear from people to "Stay Grounded". I am a true follower of that. No joking!! There is a certain additional gravity that brings me now and then closer ( I mean really closer) to earth. I always feel that I have to keep touching Mother Earth to believe that nothing has changed and I am still the same person. And yesterday I did have this one of my moments with Mother Earth. And now there is laceration ( I am not demented) Now .. Now.. This isn't one of my "I-am-so-perfect" sessions. Let me get there. Have you seen people who just keep tipping and falling down. (ahhhhhhh!!!!) I am one of those. I am clumsy klutz. I can fall down on a flat area. Mind you it will not be even a slippery floor. So yesterday I marked my entry into Certified Kultz of America. I just had to get off bus. But I don't know how I did get off and land on my knees. Dewy was dumbstruck to me so closer to her height. She was looking down on me embarrasse...

There is no rhyme and reason for this post.  A weird thing happened today.  Me and Dewy were coming back from Summer camp and we were in metro. A black lady suddenly started shouting at us. We were few seats away from her and we had literally no connection to her.  We just didnt know why she was shouting. We got down at our stop and the lady got down as well. And I walked to the bus stop to board our bus home.  And she left once I  started walking. I didn't understand a single thing she said which left me wondering why was she shouting.🤔🤔 I couldn't ask her back why she is shouting at us, I didnt have guts to stand and ask her back 👊 which is what I would have done if I am in my motherland. Sometimes being away from your ones gives you a sense of insecurity and all I could think at that time was Dewy's safety. Probably when I look back this post after a year or two I might think that I chickened out from a fight. Its an experience a...

It is really funny as you see it. This is us, just us Indians waiting in the bus stand in US on a working day morning. Can you imagine the same in any of our Indian bus stops. 🤔🤔

No one else .. literally no one else can speak about Friends other than me... ohh wait.  I am not certainly talking about that long series ( that's a completely different topic though) I think Bible says "The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.". This came up when I was talking to one of my colleagues here in US. He said, we need to be good to friends to survive here. That sounded kinda altruistic. Not being judgmental.  Don't we always have to be good to friends.???? Or else why are you even tagging them as friends. But then since being new comer, I kept my comments to myself. One thing I notice here is the same people who wouldn't even bother to see people's faces back in India, here the moment they sees an Indian, a smile lit up on face and even if the person knows you only by face they will volunteer if you need help(will they help in the moment of need ??? 😏I am not planning to comment agai...

*** Supposed to be my first post*** I had waited 2 long weeks to do my first post from LaLa land . I thought I would do about festival. This was a first festival I did without family and friends around me and not eating mom's food. My memory of festivals has been   big gatherings at Granny's place where we all cousins meet, eat and have fun. And since I am the kiddo in the whole group (erstwhile time) I used to get highest kai nettam amount all together. Yeah I am talking about vishu .  This year it has been a very lonely one with just Dewy and me and I gave her kainettam and we went to temple (I know that reaction!!!😛😛😛😛😛😛 You got to do, when you are far away from your people) But still festival  gives me time to rewind and remember the good times we have as a family and as a group. For the GOOD times we had!! Happy Vishu!!!

You would  think I am mad to assume that life is bed of Roses. I know it is not.Trust me I have my fair share of thorns. Somehow seeing Dewy seeing not happy after I made this life changing decision seems to prick me more than any other thorns. God give me patience to deal with it.

A vague memory!! When you announce to world that you are pregnant, random people will ask you with wide grin and big eyes " Aren't you excited?" and I always meticulously grin back and say "yeah". Excited? Here I am wondering about sleepless nights and cranky baby. By the way, I have never tagged myself to be a "ohhh I looove  kids" person. Those excited people fall into any of these categories A) Already one kid person - welcome to the world of obsessed parents. Now I will see how you fare better than me. B) Happy Bachelorette - Now she will certainly spend less time for career. I am better than her now. Will ask my manager to consider me for promotion C) Team member - She will go off and we can probably get a saner manager who will be less torturous D) Rarely found genuine always-happy-for-others people. My motto as usual was to tackle things when the devil is out. And this is how my life pans out. Dewy : Amma, nee (you)... I intervene.. D...

When we feel too low, don’t we all revisit the incidents to just see where things started going wrong. I am a  phase like that. I am not feeling low, but I am confused. I have got something that I was really rooting for. I have been extremely happy and hoped that things will change for better. I wanted the freedom, the decision to choose what I want and fly like a bird free of any concern. But do we really get to do that ever in our short span of life?  Naahhh.. I don’t think so. Now with me nearing that tip point, I am like anybody, hesitating to leave my comfort zone. I look back, like a projector , see happy moments, sun shining through and all happy faces, then it turns gloomy, dark clouds looming large and wonder if this is what triggered me to be so confident on “THIS” thing. Recently I was rummaging my papers and I see some notes that I have made. Considering how I like to be thorough and think through decisions , I have listed Pros and Cons o...