Jagamum naan Ahamum naan

I decided to take it easy. Work wise and home wise.. A disorderly book or some pending work. I decided to leave it there for now Come Jan 2nd , it would be mayhem all again. We did what best we could do in this weather. A session of Christmas lights viewing, few outings and a Christmas Party. Dewy played Guitar in the party and it was pretty good for the first time in stage playing alone. So inevitably she has set her bar high for all upcoming events. Probably I am robbing her childhood off with classes (this is me quoting her) but I think she likes these classes too.  She isnt sporty kind ( huh... dont know why she missed that genes) but I am okay as long as she is interested into something outside studies. So no pressure!!!

When you have a girl and when that kiddo wants to grow hair long, but never co-operates; when you wash her hair, you know .....  never bends properly,  whine about how long the hair wash process takes,  complain that you (mommy) are being nasty, and you get frustrated ...  Remember that’s karma. I told you I will write somewhere for you to read and remember. Here we are!!!!

Now to come to think of it... half of my posts is about her. And even in those when I am not going to write about Dewy.. she tends to find a rabbit hole and squeak her way in. We have quite uncanny bond. We fight on almost all topics and agree on cretinous items. So.. Dewy and I have caught on to a new series called Gilmore Girls. It's our guilty pleasure in evening. It is about a mom and daughter. So in one episode the said daughter has a huge row and moves out. So obviously being a mom I tend to lean towards mommy in the series and I feel bad for her. Dewy and I are arguing who is right and why the other person is wrong. And so I remember that in some drugged moment, we decided to jot down Dewy's horrorscope (not nescient my friend). I don't remember all of it except the fact; she and I are supposed to have major fight when she is teenager.  After that episode I tell Dewy that I am planning to keep the information about my pension funds to myself till she finishes that ph

Yesterday had a weird conversation with one of my neighbors Her twins are 2 years younger to Dewy and she came over to tell me that they are scared of Dewy and hence are not ready to go to school in the same school bus.  I didnt know whether to apprehend because I know that Dewy is not a bully or to confront her because being mother a tiny creepy seed has now been implanted to my brain.  So I ask her what's happening for past few days and nothing to me seems alarming. I asked her specifically around these twins and I didnt find anything which says " Oh trouble trouble".  Just in case to be safe... I tell her to not use mama's voice on kids younger to her. (Yeah that's what she calls the voice I use to reprimand.) Now am I being facetious or perturbed for no reason. Time will tell. PS- Had a lot of time in office as my laptop was going through migration to Windows 10.

Dewy's army has special talents This is a Sunday noon and as usual we are planning to do a late lunch. But the gang doesnt have any intention of lunch. So they wander around my home and this is business as usual. 1 puny voice comes from behind.. " Aunty aap bahut ache ho". Now if you may know .. there are cookies box lying around. I start asking them politely to go home, finish lunch and congress back. Multiple wails Wail 1: Mom is not well. She hasn't cooked. Can I eat at your place?  Wail 2: Ohh I just had my breakfast and milk ( this is 2 PM) Wail 3: I am going home to pack my lunch. I want to eat with Dewy. Can you ask my  mom please. Wail 4: Mom asked me to come only at 3 for lunch. She said she is making my favorite chicken Puny voice again......"Aunty aap bahut ache ho." 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ Bribed few cookies and after some 30 minutes of cajoling.. I sent the pack home... phew.  God knows how many of these Dewy is spewing off when she is playing at othe

I am stickler to details. Few recent trips kinds cemented my craziness quotient. I have a few quirky habits which I stick on to like a leech and but I realized how much it defines me as a person who I am. It can be very stultifying for others. Like a few..  When we make a plan to be in some place at some time.. I would be there in the said place at needed time. I understand it not going to anchored when it's trip but it kinda keeps you sane especially if you tripping( not a word.. I know)  with a group of people. Another thing I found out is... I dont have this over obsessed craziness to take umpteen photos. I do take for keepsake purpose.  But not every single angle and view possible. There are few images I love to keep it in memory. The need to stand in every single corner of the place of visit and take photos makes me feel obnoxious. These are trivial things. To me, it is equally important that you be mindful of others who travel with you so that you dont waste their time.

I now realize why my parents dreaded the 2 month summer vacation. I just abhor, detest this vacation time. And unluckily here it's not 2 months. Its 3 solid months. I had Gran's place which was summer getaway. The day of the last exam.. Pack stuff and pester parents to drop to her place and then dont turn back home untill 1 week left for school to reopen. Poor Dewy.... I am rushing her pillar to post even during summer vacation. Summer camps, classes. She likes it but I feel sorry for her. I have no choice as 3 months is long time to work from home. In the rush to catch the ever fast life... I put her through too much. She never slept late into day and wake up at odd times just because it is summer. Left 2 weeks; out of whole vacation; for her to just sleep, play and do nothing specific. Sorry Dewy.. that's the carrot I am dangling for you.😀

Comfortably quiet (Tranquility) Or Painfully quiet ( Depressing) . By now I had assumed that I would have gotten used to both types. It doesn't seem to be the case. Sometimes small incidents shake you out of your homeostasis.  Small event like someone who I thought was a good friend going MIA. Now .. people would tell me to never give anyone that much importance that it would cause a deep abyss on their exit or they would tell me that I am mad to expect friends these days. So that silence was maddening because I would rather fight it out than keep mum if that person is that important. But yeah.. you cannot fight a lost cause. So lessons learnt.  Edited and Posted later:- I was seething when I originally wrote this and realised later that I was barking at wrong tree.

When there is a candle on a cake and waiting to make a wish, all of us wish. Barbie dolls, more toys, better grades, better health, health of dear ones and what not. If not anything, in a rare day, when things are all good, we wish for it to remain good. It is not that we get what we wish for (not always though) but we wish hoping things would just turn better. Or it just give us the positive energy to keep us going thinking that it is out there waiting on the queue to be serviced I just wish to have a normal day!!!

Early childhood when I have seen my mom working, managing home and yours truly, I always had a awe induced respect for her. Dad was rock solid support but still she has enough on her plate. Now with me doing the same thing single handedly and when I see the out come ("Dewy") let's just say the difference is evident. Anyway at times my mom can be little crazy. Like for last week, I didn't call her as I have been stuck in the rut and somehow never gotten ahead calling her 3 days straight. And I call her on Friday all she asks is all good and keeps her phone down. Yeah that went well. Better than my visa interview where the guy rejected after asking name. . Now I know it's her eagerness to hear about us and still this anger is uncalled for On a complete another instance, I am ferrying dewy and her friends to a party. Her friend asks her something about God and my ears are now attentive. I mean I never asked her directly on her views about Mr.Almighty. H

Blame our parents!!!  Woah!!! Strong topic!!! Cringe worthy I was just wondering( which I am doing a lot these days ) that how much it is imbibed into our head that a woman needs her man. So back ground on it. Was out to check out an armoire and it was evening. Since sun sets later these days and hence 6.30 in evening is not that late, I was out at that time.  It became cloudy, dark and for no sensible reason I was feeling insecure which wasn't the case when it was sunny. I am sure people can relate to what I am talking. If you have someone sitting with you at that moment; it does makes you feel secure. Though I hate to point out that unless the person is Bruce Lee or any of our Bollywood heroes who has fight off villains (sometimes with a look) ; it is of no use. So I took it to mission to teach Dewy to be independent, and never ever feel insecure in her own skin.  And I feel it is important as I see where are going; that she necessarily might not have me aro

Saturday morning..Muddled .. walk up to Dewy and tell her. Dews I am so bored of cooking same food. Why not make it simple today Dewy replies in vain.. "We dont have vegetables. I get that." Bingo  !!!!

You know sometimes it's an elated feeling to have someone coming to your home just to talk to you. Throw in some food and good wine. Conversation just flows. That's just happened today. A recent friend whom I acquired from other gatherings and incessant chatter just popped in to just say hi and spent a good quality of time and we talked nothing but talked till jaw hurt You might wonder that I have lost my nuts in the ruts. I think I just forgot how simple things would bring pleasure in life and it was totally worth that time On that note.. we decided to do this more often till we get bored doing this

" Automation" : This is a word the Dewy hears a lot from her mommy who works in so- called quality are. I use this word generously while talking to my customer on how much my team has done and also to my team during their appraisals on how less they have done. I was working in kitchen and I was complaining how vessels just seem to keep appearing into sink and never ending. And how much my miss my maid from India ( that's another story altogether). My daughter says " Amma you didnt automate enough" I look at her quizzically and asks her what she means. She just scoffs  and say duh.... this is what you keep saying on phone. Way to do things faster. wah Dewy ...wah good that you now what is automation **************     *************     **********     *********** We are early to bus stop. Just 2 mins early. Dewy is surprised to see no crowd. She scowls " we missed bus" I say "No.. we are early." She says "it is not possible."

Evening 6.30. I see tiny Dewy running around the corridor behind 2 girls. Then they whisper something and ask Dewy to sit on stairs. They wander around to other floor. There is lull and I come out and see this tiny thing sitting forlorn in steps. Asked her why .. she said she was asked to do so. I asked her to come back home she said she wouldnt because if she doesn't follow her so- called friends they wouldnt play with her. I feel so bummed out. I dont want my daughter to be so dependent on people who doesnt give a batshit about her. She is very emotional. She always wanted to be everyone's friend, everyone to consider her friend. I dont mind that. Just that I didnt want to eat whatever is being dished out for her. I just see her now. Other kids come to her to ask her play. She doesnt seem to hang on to the other kids and certainly not the needy one. If she finds them to not be interested in being friends she just finds the next best option she has. Dignified. I am happy