Jagamum naan Ahamum naan

We don't talk any more. It is more mechanical discussions these days. You know the ones that you need to get by. Eat, clean, sleep and all those itty-bitty stuff. I didn't think I would be going through this early in our relationship. We were friends like good friends. We had many things to discuss in common. We learnt from each other and were contended at end of day. What changed? Did I get boring? Or it is just a phase that I have to deal.  Do you remember the walks we took at night. It was small but nice ones. I mean what a lot of rubbish we talk at that time. I don't even get to know you these days. Like how did the day go, how were things and suddenly all seems to be alien to me. If this is what I am getting now,  can't imagine what teen would bring me.   Let's get our act together Dewy. I want to go back being your bestie. Talk all nonsense in world. You know... let's not go overboard as well.. you know me dear.  I am not touchy feeling lovey gooey mommy. 

In the last decade, I have never been jobless. This is the first time, I nothing to do.  Before you think something drastically,  I am in forced vacation do to visa restrictions. I have always taken work as my release mechanism. All my problems, worries and insecurities would go away when I work. My friends call me workaholic, may be its my way to find sanity  So now , one week of no work, I imagined that it would drive me to front of therapist door faster. But to my surprise I enjoyed it-The time off. No pressure, no deadlines, multitude of other things tied to job. Obviously I found 100 other things at home to fix and  shop but it felt good.  I am now very seriously thinking about fact that I need to take such breaks at times to bring down craziness. My toughest of toughest periods were easily crushed by work that didn't leave me an ounce of energy to think or even worry. Now if I am enjoying a break.. boy was I surprised. Or is it just my 30s going 40s now telling me that it'